Family and intimate partner violence
This page includes information on what family & intimate partner violence is, helpful resources, and support services in the community.
If you or someone else are in danger, call 111 and ask for Police. If you cannot speak, stay silent and press 55. For more information click here.
Family violence is any violence - physical, sexual or psychological (this includes economic and financial abuse, threats of violence, property damage and causing children to witness violence) - that is inflicted by a person with whom that person has been or is in a family relationship. This can be your spouse/partner, family member, someone you live with like a flatmate, or someone you share a close relationship with. Family violence often includes a pattern of behaviours that may be coercive or controlling that enable the formation of an unequal power dynamic in a relationship through the use of power and control. Family violence includes intimate partner violence (a form of gender-based violence), elder abuse, child abuse, dating violence, and violence towards another family member or whānau member. Some of the behaviours are:
- Physical violence such as pushing, grabbing, tripping, shoving, poking, or prodding, slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, shaking, throwing to the ground, pulling hair, scratching, biting, burning, choking or strangling, harming pets, using a weapon
- Using children - threatening to take children away, using contact to harass the person
Isolation such as controlling what they wear, who they talk to, where they can go, going through messages, social media, email, checking up on a person - Emotional abuse such as putting someone down, calling a person names, making someone feel bad about themselves, humiliating a person, gaslighting: playing mind games, making a person question their reality
- Financial abuse such as preventing a person from keeping a job, giving a person an allowance (particularly in an intimate relationship), not giving a person a say in financial decisions
- Intimidation such as using intimidating looks or gestures, screaming, yelling, smashing or throwing things, punching walls, destroying personal property
- Coercion and threats such as threatening to leave, to die by suicide, to hurt a person, to do illegal things, using court orders or Police to threaten the person
- Sexual violence such as demanding to have sex, forcing a person to have sex, forcing a person to have sex in a way they didn’t want, having sex with a person while they were asleep, making a person watch pornography
- Making someone take drugs or drink alcohol
- Treating someone like a servant
- Making light of the abuse or saying it didn’t happen
- In LGBTQIA+ and Takatāpui communities, family violence could also include (but is not limited to) a partner or family member hiding hormones, clothing, and other gender affirming items; using a past name; using pronouns not preferred by a person
- For disabled people, family violence could also include (but is not limited to) a partner or family member withholding their aids, medication or devices.
The behaviour may or may not be entwined with homophobia, biphobia, gender policing, transphobia, ableism, sexism, xenophobia, and/or racism.
Safety Planning
- A College Student's Guide to Safety Planning
- Plan for Safety & Wellbeing - Shine
- Abuse and technology (while you’re with an abusive partner) – from Netsafe
- Preventing technology abuse (after leaving an abusive partner) – from Netsafe
- Victim’s Support
- Family Violence Leave - If you are affected by family violence, you can ask your employer for paid leave and flexible working arrangements
- Protection Order - A legal document that protects someone and any children - including those not born yet - from someone who has been violent (emotionally, psychologically, financially and/or sexually).
Supporting others
Tips
- If someone is in immediate danger, call 111.
- If you know someone is experiencing family violence and they are not in immediate danger, actively listen, remain calm and offer support and information without judgement.
- Build trust by keeping the information confidential unless they are in immediate danger at that moment.
- Check-in on their safety e.g. do you feel safe? are you safe to go home?
- Offer to contact a helpline or service with them if they do not feel safe.
- Discuss their existing strategies to keep safe and prompt consideration of others (see Safety Planning section).
- Keep the door open to talk again and do not pressure them.
- Ensure basic needs are being met: Here to Help U may be able to assist
- Shine - Help someone you know.
National Helpline: Call free 0508 744 633 (24 hours, 7 days a week) or chat online. - Are you ok - Support for friends or whaanau
Call 0800 456 450 for the Family Violence Information Line. They can provide information, support and advice around family violence.
Informative Resources
- Power and Control Wheel
- Equality wheel
- Post-Separation Power and Control Wheel
- Power and Control Wheel for Rainbow Relationships
- The College Power and Control Wheel
- Cycle of violence
Nationwide support
- Work and Income - Work and Income may be able to support you if you're living in or leaving a violent relationship.
- Community Law - Community Law provide free legal help throughout Aotearoa New Zealand.
- NZ Government - Information on services and support for anyone experiencing abuse from a partner, ex-partner, family member, flatmate, friend, or carer.
- Shine provides information for anyone experiencing family violence, worried about their own abusive behaviour, or supporting someone else in these situations.
- Are You Ok? - whether it’s casual or long-term, you deserve to be treated with respect. Unsure if it’s respect? Try the 'Check it out' Quiz
- Family Planning
- Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura: Outing Violence - Information about family, partner and sexual violence in Rainbow communities
- Atu-Mai: Standing together against violence - A violence prevention programme by LeVa that aims to equip young people and their whānau with the right tools and knowledge to live violence free.
- Good Shepherd NZ - Information on economic harm
- In Your Hands - Information and support if you're concerned that your behaviour is hurting or scaring the ones you love
Tools
- Time out tool - a strategy to use within relationships to prevent escalation
- The Four Horsemen - A tool to discuss communication styles
- Anger - anger is often a secondary emotion/the tip of the iceberg
- Assertive communication
- Te Whare Tapa Whā - are you meeting the needs of all aspects of your wellbeing?
Reporting to Police
Reporting to Police may not be an easy thing to do in certain circumstances, however, there are things that can be done to keep you and your whānau safe that enable you to inform Police. For more information, you can contact your local Family Violence agency or Women’s Refuge (see below) for advice and safety planning, and in some instances, advocacy. You can also go to Victim’s Support, Are You Ok? or Shine for more information.
For information on different ways to keep safe through the Family Court, see the Ministry of Justice.
The University of Waikato Student Health Service
A multidisciplinary health team that is available to provide support to students.
Phone: 07 838 4037
Website: https://www.waikato.ac.nz/students/health/
Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) (Staff)
EAP is available for staff at The University of Waikato. EAP provides free counselling and psychological support.
EAP can be accessed via Benestar.
Waikato Women’s Refuge Te Whakaruruhau
Intimate partner violence support – safe housing, advice and community-based support
Phone: 07 855 1569 (24/7 crisis service)
Email: refuge@wwrt.co.nz
Website: www.waikatowomensrefuge.co.nz
Tuu Oho Mai Services
Family harm support & safety and non-violence programmes
Phone: (07) 834 3148
Email: admin@tuuohomai.org.nz
Website: www.tuuohomai.org.nz
Male Support Services
Support for males with physical, mental, emotional, domestic or sexual abuse experiences
Phone: 0800 677 289
Email: admin@waikatosurvivors.org.nz
Website: www.waikatosurvivors.org.nz
Shama
National Ethnic Response for Sexual Harm and specialist family violence support for ethnic women and children
Phone: 07 843 3810
Email: crisis1@shama.org.nz
Website: www.shama.org.nz
K'aute Pasifika
A range of services for Pacific people and other disadvantaged groups in the Waikato region, to improve their well-being.
Phone: 07 834 1482
Email: info@kautepasifika.co.nz
Website: www.kautepasifika.co.nz
Diversity Counselling
Counselling by registered professionals supporting people from a diversity of cultures, ethnicities, genders, religions, and languages.
Phone: 021 0262 5587
Email: contact@dcnz.net
Website: www.dcnz.net
Waikato Community Law
Free Legal help
Phone: 0800 529 482
Website: communitylaw.org.nz/centre/waikato/
Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) Hamilton
Free, confidential, independent information and advice for everyone, as well as helping people know what their rights are and how to access services they need.
Phone: 07 839 0395/ 0800 367 222 (nationwide)
Website: www.cab.org.nz
The University of Waikato Tauranga Student Health Service
On-site, students have access to a Student Health Nurse, a Physio, Massage Therapist, and Chaplain.
Website: https://www.waikato.ac.nz/students/health/tauranga
Bay Counselling & Therapy Service
A referral can be made to this service by the student health nurse.
Phone: 022 013 9003
Email: alana.johnson@waikato.ac.nz
Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) (Staff)
EAP is available for staff at The University of Waikato. EAP provides free counselling and psychological support.
EAP can be accessed via Benestar.
Tauranga Women’s Refuge and Support Services
Advocacy, information, support and safe housing for women and children experiencing family violence
Phone: 0800 86 733 843 (24/7 helpline)
Website: www.taurangawomensrefuge.co.nz
Tauranga Living Without Violence
Family violence support & safety and non-violence programmes
Phone: 0800 577 003
Website: www.tlwv.org.nz
Shakti Ethnic Women's Support Group Inc. Central Region
Support for Ethnic women of Asian, Middle Eastern and African Descent who are victims of family violence.
Phone: 0800 742 584 (24 hour crisis line), 021 736 858 (Service delivery)
Website: www.shakti-international.org/shakti-nz
Maketu Hauora
The provision of health & social services to Maketu and surrounding communities in the Western Bay of Plenty. There is support for the whole whānau from rangatahi to kaumatua - including family-violence-specific programmes.
Phone: 07 5332 551
Website: www.maketuhauora.org.nz
Baywide Community Law
Free legal help
Phone: 07 571 6812
Website: www.communitylaw.org.nz/centre/tauranga-whakatane/
Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) Tauranga
Free, confidential, independent information and advice for everyone, as well as helping people know what their rights are and how to access services they need.
Phone: 07 578 1592/ 0800 367 222 (nationwide)
Website: www.cab.org.nz